Mom,
I just recieved your letter and I want you to know I'm going to be okay doing my time . I want you to be strong for me and I will be strong for you.I have less than three years to go and I'm going to keep myself busy in programs, faith based,ged and vocational programs. I also have a workout routine that I do everyday. I'm going to use my time in prison to better myself mentally and physically. I'm going to be okay and I don't want you to worry so much about me . I want you to concentrate more on you and my brother and sister. I hope this letter will help dealing with me in prison so you don't worry so much . I will be okay. I will be fine. I will write you once a week to let you know how I am doing with myself and my programs. Say hi to my brother and sister for me and tell them that I love them and I will be home before you know it.
I love you all.
jared

And you will start a new life and be free

SERENITY

I wrote you a letter last night, it seems like all I do is write you letters.It is all I have right now. I miss you Jared.

Don't dwell what has already happened

I miss you

I won't tell you while you are in prison that I am also in a prison with worries and fears about you every waking moment of the day. I am terribly sad for you, for me and miss you.

Getting ready to write my son, I hate to begin...Dear Jared, how are you ? What a joke....I hope you are ok....well, how about 'I hope you are doing good' or maybe ' Happy New Year'.....nothing seems right. Every letter, it is hard to begin.

I feel like screaming ' I hate writing you to this place, how in the hell could this be happening, it is killing me, I think about you every waking second and cry sometimes. You have consumed my entire life, my life will never be the same until I see you making it in your life." 

But I won't, I will offer him words of encouragement and hope and love leaving the pain between the lines that he can't see but he knows me well. He knows how I get. 

I miss him, I miss him so much I can't stand it. I wish he could start over at 14 years old, just start over making different friends, different choices. Wishing gets me nowhere. He is 25, in prison for 3-4  years and I already have not seen my son since June 2010. He has become a man, his siblings are growing up, life out here moves on without him . Damn, if I could just do something to make this all go away. 

My son has a name, he is not just a number

Just some pictures remembering better times

Merry Christmas Jared

 .Dear Jared,

Last night, Christmas Eve, it was harder than I thought, you being in prison on Christmas. I won't see you next Christmas either or the next or the next. This is hard. I miss you. I wish this wasn't real. I want you out of there and there is nothing I can do . I feel so sad, for you, for me and for your sister and brother who are growing up while you are in there. I am also mad as hell you couldn't control your your actions ,that we all suffer one way or the other  because  of those actions. It is going to be the longest 3--4 years of my life. I love you, you are my son and I will always be here to support you, this is not the life I planned for you when I held you as an infant and swore I would never let any harm come to you, that I would love you forever.........this is not the life I chose for you.
Christmas blessings of peace and hope to you . 

Love, Mom 

To all the moms who also have sons in prison, I wish you peace today, to have  just a few treasured sweet moments when all  seems alright with the world. A chance  that we may smile and laugh and just forget, for a moment  that our sons are not with us but in the worse place they could possibly be, prison. 

To all the wonderful, supportive moms and parents here, you are not alone. Across the miles there are many moms in the same place you are who have sons in the same place as your son. 

Your letter made my day today !

I finally got a letter from my son last week and another one today . He was transferred to a Work Camp a few days ago, his letter was uplifting and made my Christmas. All positive, playing chess, attending church, Bible study, going to get a job, getting ready to take GED classes and reading a lot, working out.......says the inmates there are good and that I don't need to worry. So, I am in a much place mentally from knowing he is okay. 

Now maybe I can have a merrier Christmas with my younger children

and at 9 pm I will light the candle and send my son love and peace and have a prayer 'with him' . I miss him so......

For all the mothers with son's in prison.......

God bless all our children, may he guide them to find the right path, may he keep them safe and fill their lonely moments. Please Lord, keep them safe in the palm of your hands. 

Sending you light

                              .   I bought this little candle 

and put it in front of an angel. This is the candle I am going to

                                  light on Christmas Eve and

 send you peace and say a prayer for you. I told you about

                                    this hoping you will say a prayer at the same time.

 Then I am going to do this every

                                      night. It will be like our little visit together. Christmas is very sad this year,I miss you

                                       and it is hard putting up a front for the kids 

FINALLY

I heard from you...it made my day, I have been better since.

Where are you Jared ?

It has been 6 weeks since I have heard from you. I am going crazy with worry and sadness. Please write, something,anything...I have to hear from you.

I am still waiting

I have not heard from you in month and it is driving me crazy. I say things here that I won't say in my letters because I don't want to add to your already bad feelings but this is killing me. I think about you and worry and miss you all day, everyday. I wish I could fix this, I wish there was something I could do but there is nothing but fear and sadness.

Just waiting

For a letter from you...I sent a few letters to you last week so I figure I should hear from you any day now. If you think you like mail call, you should see me when I hear from you. I miss you Jared.