UPDATE !!!!Suspended from Mothers of Incarcerated Sons

So Rhonda who runs Moms of Incarcerated Sons sends me an email as to why I was suspended. Because my settings refused to accept emails from the site. Unreal. She said MISS deleted 100 accounts. I have no clue as to why.

•*¨*•♫♪░H░A░P░P░Y░ ░N░E░W░Y░E░A░R░♪♫•*¨*•

God Bless this coming year for you, Jared,

This is Christmas Day

I have a son out there that I haven't seen since June 2010, he is in a Florida prison, Time moves on but it sure as hell doesn't get easier. I never in my life imagined having to go through something like this. Although I totally agree with doing time for crimes, that punishment is a necessary and useful tool in society but a parent of an incarcerated child also does time. The State of Florida has the control, I do not. I have no say when I can get my son back. As his mom my heart aches,in spite of his wrong doings, he is my son,my firstborn and I miss him, nothing is really the same, hasn't been and won't be until he is free again and we can be together, his siblings and me. Wishing my firstborn Christmas peace, blessings, safety,strength,love.....

Christ is born

Hark the herald angels sing "Glory to the newborn King! Peace on earth and mercy mild God and sinners reconciled" Joyful, all ye nations rise Join the triumph of the skies With the angelic host proclaim: "Christ is born in Bethlehem" Hark! The herald angels sing "Glory to the newborn King!"

To the Moms of Incarcerated Sons....

I stop in, read a few topics and it's too sad so I go....but I am here.....feeling everyone's pain and understanding. Some people benefit from ongoing communications, like talking to a friend on the phone. It's great if 'talking' helps. Like I am in real life, I tend to shut people out and keep things internal. Reading about all the mom's sons just rehashes the ugly fact that we have lost our sons, they are not here where they should be, they are gone from us , we have no control, we sit, we wait, we cry, we fear, we cry some more, wait for word, wait for that call, visit or letter, anything just to connect with them, to cling to just another small piece of them . Consumed with such disbelief and pain. Carrying our sons within us for 9 months, glancing in their eyes, smelling that freshness of a newborn baby, the innocence, the profound love, we were in awe of our little wonders and never thought of what would become them one day , It is heartbreaking. So it is easier me to handle it if I don't 'talk' about it. I prefer to sit in the shadows and just read the updates, see how the moms sons are doing, who is going to court, who is getting out, the visits and all. Wishing peace to everyone.

2 YEARS TO GO

2 More years until I can see you again. I can't stand this anymore. The holidays suck to tell you the truth. I pretend in front of the kids but I hate them. It's hard for me to be happy about anything knowing you are in prison. I sent a few Christmas cards and money orders to you, they probably arrived today. I miss you Jared.

Happy Thanksgiving Jared

2 years down, 2 more to go. This just should not be. I miss you so much.

Happy Birthday Jared

I think about you all day,everyday but today is your birthday..I wish I could at least talk to you. I miss you so much...a mom's pain, this is a nightmare.

Happy Birthday Jared

Another birthday I can't spend with you...this is so hard,God willing there are better days ahead for you. Happy Birthday to my son, Jared!

Sending letters to incarcerated family members

I saw this poem on another site posted by another mom with a son in prison. I know this was never you because I have written to you hundreds of times and will never stop writing to you. But I know you have stood in line with inmates who never get a letter from home, the forgotten. Very sad. I was always the one who shout death penalty for child molesters and murderers, I was the one who would take joy to hear life. You do the crime, pay your time. After being a part of a group online with other moms, I can now say maybe laws on sentencing need to change, maybe the conditions in our prisons need to get better. Yes, if you commit a crime, you need to do the time but sometimes that time is harsh and not warranted. I think more should be done to rehabilitate instead of incarcerate. Felons are people too. Yes, some are cold blooded killers who have done some horrendous things causing others so much pain but one day long ago they were good little kids with moms, dads, families who went the wrong way. They are still some one else's

son or daughter. Making it through another long day, waiting on 6 PM at night, hoping to hear my name being called, praying this time it might. watching the man go down the list, my heart starts beating with fright. He calls them out one by one, but mine is no where in sight. He turns and leaves right out the door, and I find myself alone, staring out into the night and waiting on letters from home. Letters here and pictures there, wishing next time that it is me. Seeing the wives and kids of others sometimes makes me want to scream. I have to stop and pray to God, upon his shoulders I lean. They're just so busy with kids and jobs. And of course thers the house to clean. I know they'll get time to write and the letters will show the love we have is always there as I wait on letters from home. Another week has come and gone, and Sundays here again. Tomorrow starts the waiting game, gotta play if I'm gonna win. Finding ways to pass the time and keeping my mind from sin. Tired of chess and sick of TV, so now its just paper and pen.To write my thoughts to the ones I love and tell them so they know. They are always in my heart and prayers, as I wait on letters from home.

To My Son

These few years you will be away in prison will be perhaps the hardest years in my life. Not a day goes by where missing you, worrying about you, wondering about you doesn't consume me. This is hard, so much harder and sadder than I tell you. I don't want to saddle you with my grief but this has been difficult and heart wrenching

I miss you so much Jared

Hard Times

I am heart broken to have lost you to prison, I can't stand this anymore.

I wish for you....

Dear Jared......I wrote you another letter tonight.....

We went through some tough times, ups and downs but no matter what, you are always my son, my firstborn, the light of my life. Nothing in this world made me happier than the moment you were born.

I was happy to get your letter yesterday and glad you are okay.
I miss you so much.

One day you will be okay....

HAPPY EASTER JARED, I MISS YOU !

Another day has come and gone without a letter....

It's been a month since I have heard from you.
I am miserable and just pissed off at everything all the time, this has changed my life, I will never be at peace.

This was the initial mug shot....

My heart just broke when I was told you were arrested and I did a search and this picture stared at me on the computer. You look alone and scared. I miss you so much.

I haven't heard from you in weeks......

Love, Mom

I saw your new picture today, you look older, I am missing you growing up.

Most of the time we are not really aware of the colours around us. After enjoying a pleasant walk, we probably return home feeling refreshed and invigorated, but are unlikely to think about the effects the different colours we saw created in us. Colours possess healing qualities. Mother Nature shows them to us every day in great abundance..Red in a sunset provides energy and enthusiasm. Orange provides balance. Green provides healing as well as growth..Yellow enhances intellect..violet helps us to make contact with our souls..That is why so many of us just by looking at a beautiful sunset feel so uplifted and feeling good..

The human spirit needs places where nature has not been rearranged by the hand of man...

Believe in yourself. Doubt is based on fear. Fear can cause you to lose confidence in your strengths. When you have lost confidence you are allowing unwanted energies to attack your aura. Anger also brings in doubt and fear. When you are angry you are giving energy to what has already made you angry. This actually gives the source of more power over you. When you give into anger you begin to doubt which then brings you back to fear. Break free from any anger you hold within you and move foward to your destiny of peace...
Most people make the mistake of searching for happiness outside of themselves. That's a fundamental mistake. Happiness is something YOU are... and it comes from the way YOU think...

Just look at this beautiful picture.. Nature at her best... did you know that 'Colour' can heal? That each colour has its own vibrational energy that we absorb in our own auras and through our skin. Here is Nature with a mixture of colour... spread out like a blanket... healing everything that comes upon its beauty. For example blue is an excellent colour if you are feeling rushed by life and you value every second you can get for some peace and quiet. If you have a lot of chronic physical pain, the violet and purple will help to soothe you and may even reduce the amount of pain you are experiencing. We need to be grounded to the earth again... it is the earth's energy and colour that helps us to thrive and survive.

... and so another beautiful day is born... emcompassing us with the warmth of a brilliant sun in a cloudless blue velvety sky... I chose this photo because to me it signifies those four C's. They are Curiosity, Confidence, Courage and Constancy... the greatest of all though is Confidence. When you believe in a thing, believe in it all the way, implicitly and unquestionable.
Every new day, we h...ave an opportunity to move forward toward making our dreams a reality. Are there any special dreams that any of you out there long to fulfill? What do you aspire for most of all? Our ability to dream and to pursue our heartfelt passions is one of our greatest gifts. So have confidence in yourselves and do not underestimate all you can achieve.

Mom,
I just recieved your letter and I want you to know I'm going to be okay doing my time . I want you to be strong for me and I will be strong for you.I have less than three years to go and I'm going to keep myself busy in programs, faith based,ged and vocational programs. I also have a workout routine that I do everyday. I'm going to use my time in prison to better myself mentally and physically. I'm going to be okay and I don't want you to worry so much about me . I want you to concentrate more on you and my brother and sister. I hope this letter will help dealing with me in prison so you don't worry so much . I will be okay. I will be fine. I will write you once a week to let you know how I am doing with myself and my programs. Say hi to my brother and sister for me and tell them that I love them and I will be home before you know it.
I love you all.
jared

And you will start a new life and be free

SERENITY

I wrote you a letter last night, it seems like all I do is write you letters.It is all I have right now. I miss you Jared.

Don't dwell what has already happened

I miss you

I won't tell you while you are in prison that I am also in a prison with worries and fears about you every waking moment of the day. I am terribly sad for you, for me and miss you.

Getting ready to write my son, I hate to begin...Dear Jared, how are you ? What a joke....I hope you are ok....well, how about 'I hope you are doing good' or maybe ' Happy New Year'.....nothing seems right. Every letter, it is hard to begin.

I feel like screaming ' I hate writing you to this place, how in the hell could this be happening, it is killing me, I think about you every waking second and cry sometimes. You have consumed my entire life, my life will never be the same until I see you making it in your life." 

But I won't, I will offer him words of encouragement and hope and love leaving the pain between the lines that he can't see but he knows me well. He knows how I get. 

I miss him, I miss him so much I can't stand it. I wish he could start over at 14 years old, just start over making different friends, different choices. Wishing gets me nowhere. He is 25, in prison for 3-4  years and I already have not seen my son since June 2010. He has become a man, his siblings are growing up, life out here moves on without him . Damn, if I could just do something to make this all go away.